Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
