You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
