just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
