so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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