he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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