The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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