too bad you live with your parents still
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
