Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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