she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
