I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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