i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
