Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
