first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
