I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
