this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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