actually, I'm a sock model
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
