i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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