Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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