you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
