Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
