I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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