The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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