Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
