i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
