i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The ass gains better be worth it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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