I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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