There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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