Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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