the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
