I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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