i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
