dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
