Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
