Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
