turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
