Plan B is the new Plan A
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I believe in your delicious
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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