I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
