apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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