Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
wow bdsm is so cute
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
