I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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