Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
