Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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