Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
