I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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