well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
