dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
