If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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