Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
