last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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