bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
