she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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