The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Bring me that man meat
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
