There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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