What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
