im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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