I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
