That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
