hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
