I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
