I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
