He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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