Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
