she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
