I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
